I was grateful to go home and do marathon laundry and update my garden and rearrange my room. Four day weekends sure are nice!!
I've found myself journaling more frequently this month as I have been dealing with a lot of delicate and personal things, but a blog is well overdue. For starters, I am almost 26 years old. :) I can't help but get excited for my birthday..I'm just one of those people. And I have always been that way even though I've always shared my birthday with my twin.
I can't wait to be 26! Even right now, I am changing words to Lion King songs to be about my birthday. I am very excited to leave my early twenties behind and forge a new path of wisdom and maturity and growth (Lord-willing).
I am excited for a monumental year that will be whatever I carve out of it-nothing more or less. More than any year before, I am aware how fleeting life is, how important my actions are and that most people are only passing through our lives. We choose to embrace people and places and things and I am making a conscious choice to calculate their value and place in my life differently in my 26th year of living!
Before if you had told me that my closest friend was going to move away in 7 months, I would have naturally found a way to phase myself out of that person's life and be unmoved when they left. I would have quit them before they quit me.Messed up, I know.
I don't really fear that anymore. In fact, I can't wait for Hannah to move away (haha!) because I know she is going to be where the Lord has called her to be and with the love of her life AND I get the go visit her in Africa!I will miss her dearly but I know we will both continue to face adventure and life being sustained by our Savior.
I also never imagined I would value a community group of strange people so much. I never knew that letting someone into my life didn't mean that they had to understand my entire back story or be just like me, but rather that they just had to take me and I had to take them and that's that.
I never imagined that I would be taking membership classes to join a church away from most of my friends and what I have known and be so excited about it even when it means they give me homework AND that I have to wait to eat lunch on Sunday's (dun dun duuuunnnn) ha!
And honestly, for the first time in years, I felt SO happy to not have a Valentine, especially since it meant a long weekend in Mexico. And not happy like "please don't pity me, I really am happy" said unconvincingly..or overly-convincing/desperate or happy just because I don't have to buy into the commercialism. But happy and whole and content. I never even knew that I wasn't fully experiencing the joy of being single. It actually unsettles quite a few people, but I am rejoicing because I know it's truly only because God is sustaining me and healing me and keeping me. And He's the only one who can!
I have great hopes for the work God will do in me at 26. I have great expectations of the world I want to see and experience. Great ideas for the people I'll meet and cherish and send off. And little by little, I see God answering my prayer of taking away my fears& for that I am grateful beyond belief! I know this year won't be all smooth sailing, I am still terrified of so many instances my brain conjures. I know tragedy can hit at any time and I know how much I will have to fight to keep hopeful when it does, but so far my only regret is that I didn't know all this sooner.
One week til my birthday...All in good time ( Who am I kidding I already bought myself a present!)
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