Perfect Stability

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. "Hebrews 10:23

  God is not like humans in this way-- He is absolutely 100% trustworthy all the time. It's easy to live like He isn't though, especially as we get hung up on how untrustworthy we ourselves are or how fickle the general population can be. It's depressing to think about actually, but here God's Word gives us an admonishment followed by the severest encouragement. Don't let your faith swerve or shake because He who is the foundation is perfectly stable. Perfect stability is an amazing  concept.
  This last week I put a lot of balance toys and obstacle courses out for my preschool students so they wouldn't risk climbing the plastic play structure that had been baking in the hot summer sun all day.
 Have you ever played with toddlers on a balance beam? Their tongues out as they focus, their arms flailing for balance, their big heads wobbling from side to side and their feet scurrying to compete it before they eat it. It's pretty adorable and so good for their gross motor skills. I always try to get them to slow down. "The balance beam isn't going anywhere", I tell them, plus it terrifies me when they scurry with their tongues out, I just imagine them biting their tongues right off if they were to trip!
   Even though I encourage them to be slow and calm and focused, I feel like them all the time.
  I get afraid that I can't make it to the other side and hurry solely focused on what I can make of it.
If the admonishment were there alone, "hold fast to your confession of hope without wavering" I'd be in trouble. But God is my foundation and He is sure, perfectly stable and most graciously, wider than a balance beam! He is getting me from point A to point B, whatever I'm facing He's certain and strong. For that I am incredibly grateful!
  I wanted to blog all week but felt so weighed down by my lack of balance  and five day headache, so I refrained

 Here's some highlights from this week that I want to remember:
1. I lost my gardening battle to evil caterpillars- my whole mint plant is gone. :(
2. I stepped on a bee and not only did I not die, but I didn't have any unusual swelling and that is a blessing!
3. I attended a training for working with children with special needs and I loved it. It helps that I am also currently in that course and a lot of the information coincided.
4. I went to hear the SD symphony play the Tchaikovsky spectacular at the embarcadero... So the waltz from Sleeping Beauty is probably one of the most beautifully romantic songs I've ever heard. Especially when followed by the Overture of 1812 with actual cannons. The cannons were the scariest funny thing ever.
5. Curlformers are the worst thing ever to sleep in, but produce the coolest no heat curls ever!

  For now, it is the aim of my Labor Day to be productive and to not scurry through anything but rather relish the perfect stability of God who is faithful. That is my prayer and hope for today.

Recent resources

Ed Welch on Loss (ccef website)----

"Loss is a matter for us all. It is so much a part of the human condition that it can fade into the background, and we only identify it when we experience life-changing events like death or disease. During those times, loss is like a hovering presence or a stalking shadow and we try to keep ahead of it.The story of loss goes like this. We are people with affections. Our hearts are about the people and things we love and want to hold on to. Life, however, does not cooperate. A raise in pay is counterbalanced by inflation and more bills. A birth is offset by two deaths. The ledger of our lives always threatens to dip into the negative. We try to hold on to the objects of our affections, even when we know it is like grasping water. But, as people of hope, we are willing to bring a clear-eyed gaze to the losses of life because they do not have the last word. These losses remind us that sin and death still have their say in this world. But though their intent is to reduce us to despair, the Spirit uses loss to inspire hope in us.  We look forward to the time when sin and death will, indeed, be banished and our work, our relationships and our bodies will flourish. To paraphrase C. S. Lewis, we will know we are in heaven when we can’t even imagine loss.Meanwhile, as those losses point us toward a glorified creation, we set off to love Jesus more than anything or anyone else. That is one of the prized possessions of life in Christ—to love Jesus more than what he gives to us. No one really wants a relationship that is based on the goodies we get from another person because that is narcissistic and empty. The best relationships are those in which we love the other person simply because that person is just grand and who could resist loving such a person. Such love is unwavering and intrepid. That’s what we aim for in knowing Jesus. We want to love him amid earth’s blessings and tragedies. When losses accumulate, they often reveal that we trusted in those circumstantial blessings more than we thought, so we respond with Asaph’s psalm. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps. 73:25-26)The Apostle Paul used a ledger analogy when he made Asaph’s words his own: he was willing to give up everything he had on earth that he might gain Christ (Phil. 3:7-8). Loss does not have the last word. God takes our losses to heart and speaks with compassion. He also sends us in a direction where we learn that losses and gains, as we usually calculate them, are not always what they seem to be. "

My newest favorite song to shout while driving or cleaning...

The bittersweet big step toward becoming a real adult.

Today we held our first Sunday in our own building as a church family. It requires two services with overflow seating and on-the-job problem solving and it was beautiful and lovely and I am soo incredibly thankful to be at home and serving at Calvary Imperial Beach. I love being available to ministry. To babies, teens, drama mamas, and new comers and all the folks that have become the family I cherish so much. 

What a blessing!

This weekend I also married off my oldest friend. The friend that hit me in the head with a baseball in third grade and stayed my friend ever since, through many difficult years. It's hard to put up with me, you know. A friend that I have traveled with, grown up with, studied with,struggled with, served alongside, learned from and have watched learn so much over the last few years- a faithful and consistent friend no matter the distance. I know it sounds like he's dead, but he's not:) he's married! And to a wonderful, newly acquired friend of mine and I'm so excited to see how The Lord is going to grow them in marriage and use them for His glory. I love them both and truly couldn't be happier for them! 

What a weekend full of happiness!

And still in my own private time, I find myself fighting to not be overtaken by sadness or despondency or apathy. Telling myself constantly that Jesus is enough, that He is mine, that He is near and that  He is worth serving and loving every minute of all my days to come.

I look to the Word and find it to be true, I see the people around me whose lives also testify that it is so.

And so I must simply "continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." (Colossians 4:2)

It's a weird balance, this whole becoming an adult. I am responsible for my emotions and actions and attitudes and sometimes it's just harder than others. Sometimes, they are out of control or not in line with what I tell them they should be and I am learning quickly that while I won't be able to negate the validity of my emotions and attitudes that overwhelm me, i must guard my actions anyways and I think more than busy-ness or business attire that is what being a real adult is all about-self discipline. 

I've got to say, I wasn't warned about this! Haha

I wasn't prepared to fight my own self as much as I have to in a daily basis. I am finding that it is expected, necessary and can even be rewarding if I am willing to yield the mayhem of my mind to the presence of Almighty God for this sel-discipline. 

All I can do and what I MUST do is offer my whole self up to Him- belief and unbelief, faith and lack thereof and pray that He knows what He's doing in me and with me and trust that I am not purposeless or a complete waste of His life-giving breath. 

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!

Weekend Recap

It never ceases to amaze me how time flies between clocking out on Friday and panicking to do homework on Sunday night.
Where'd all the hours go?
Well..this Weekend we celebrated the 2nd birthday of my beautiful goddaughter, Nahla. She's the world's cutest thing ever and we had a blast with her princess themed birthday bash!
I, of course, went as Pocahontas, the tribal princess. And we had a special visit from Cinderella.. Lots of face painting, sugar and glitter!
Isn't she adorable?

Well here's to hoping (&mostly praying) that this week if full of seeing His grace in my weakness and His plan as I submit, even in uncertainty.

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Sunday funday

It's Sunday night already..not a log enough weekend :(
Homework: check.
Restful weekend: check.
Heard the Word in season: check.
I'm watching "the Young Victoria" and reading the Gospel Story Bible.
Side note-
For everyone who loves the Jesus Storybook Bible and happens to be looking for what to go through next- this is it! I love it! It has quite a few more stories than the Jesus storybook bible but the illustration is wonderful and I just love it!

Anyways, today was a reunion at YMCA Camp Surf where I was raised from birth til 7 as my father was the founding director and I was a camp brat :D
It was great to see all my old stomping grounds and "uncles"(see picture) and hang out with all their kids knowing what entertainment and life lessons they gave me when I was younger.
Overall sweet day!
Thankful for physical rest, trusting the Lord for the week to come, the upheavals of my heart and the good works He has for me to walk in.

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Is it Friday yet?

Tomorrow is Fall Break (i.e. a Friday free of 8am classes and labs)
I'll take it!
All week I was excited for it..especially with all the festivities this weekend holds and my light load fast approaching next week.
and then BANG! all of those sweet thoughts turned to dust.
The reality is, my deadline for my grad school application is next week.
I start teaching through Galatians to the jr.high/high school girls next week.
I got invited to speak in chapel next week.
A handful of meetings, a few assignments and oh my, it's November already?
So today, I spent the afternoon filling out requirements for grad school- though I am pretty sure I will utterly miss the deadline, be rejected or too broke to continue :)
I also applied for community college today.. yes, I am indeed taking steps backwards. I have to complete a class next semester and obviously, I've been away for a while :)
I also applied for 2.5 jobs today. 2.5...Only because tomorrow I must somehow obtain a typing certificate in order to officially apply for the third.
It's 7pm on the eve of my tantalizing fall break and I am still in the library at school.
I made a whirlwind of decisions this afternoon and my biggest hope and greatest fear is that not only will they count for what I've done today but will have a huge impact on what the next weeks,months,years look like.
It pays to have a plan or else, like me, you end up applying for everything rather aimlessly and praying enthusiastically that God imparts wisdom, grace and enacts some great measures of sovereignty.
Applying for things is draining (for fear of rejection or failure) while simultaneously invigorating ( the possibilities are endless and bright).
I am thankful that something sparked my afternoon of applications, but you must certainly hear all the hesitancy in my voice.
Here is a question for ya..
When YOU were approaching infinite unknown (possiblities,challenges,limitations...life) what did you find as a comfort? as a joy? as a source of strength? income?
hehehe let me know! I take advice more freely than I give it out :)

Get it together

Three thoughts for today:

1. Emotions follow will
2. There is NO room for laziness in loving the Lord
3. Shortcuts who needs 'em? It pays to work hard & do things the right way.

I went to the thirty-first annual US Open sandcastle competition. My brothers team got third.. Lovely afternoon in IB :)

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Tidings of Comfort & Joy

This past weekend was full of San Diego Christmas wonders..Sea World, Balboa Park, Hotel Del, Broomball and lots of coffee :)
We even began singing Christmas Carols in the worship sets at Church..a very good indicator that Christmas is upon us.. One of my favorite is "God rest ye merry gentlemen". Simply because in a slow and pokey kind of way it speaks the simplicity of the Christmas miracle and repeats again and again the impact the season should have upon us "comfort and joy".

Also, tonight was testimony night. Powerful to hear the composition that God has made of people's lives to bring Himself glory.. I always enjoy that.
This sweet lady is in front of us with notes in hand, clearly shaking..(it takes guts to get in front of that many people and vocally proclaim your far-off-ness and all the work God did..As awesome as it is, there is a ton of oppression and self condemnation that can completely steal the glory of God if presented immaturely- which she didn't do.
So the sweet, nervous lady was cured of at least 7 types of cancer stood before us proclaiming the faithfulness of the Lord and His ability to heal..
She emphatically gave ALL the glory to God and was quick to mention "God did not promise us an easy life"
That was my cue. In my mind my instant thought was "Woah Lady, I don't wanna hear that right now!" Not because it isn't Truth, but because it undoubtedly will be affirmed in my life now. It's like that sub conscience jinx that traps you into thinking that just because she said "it" (whatever it is..)"it" is going to start plaguing you like bad juju..
I fully acknowledge the immaturity and foolishness of this thought as it passed through my mind. We all do that, I suppose accountability and truth aren't the easiest thing to pursue... BUT
There is a deepness and maturity in recognizing God's sovereignty in your life, even in areas you aren't pleased with initially, and praising Him for them anyways, giving Him glory in the midst of them, trusting Him through it entirely and proclaiming His excellencies nonstop. And it isn't easy and she did it and my soul was praising God and my flesh was tensing up.. Like when you're on a plain and there's turbulence and someone starts talking statistics of plain crashes ( I am usually that person btw)..they could be completely true numbers, but you don't want to hear it.
The major difference is the tidings of comfort and joy!

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
John 16:33


"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
John 14:27

There is comfort and joy in the birth of Jesus Christ. Comfort and Joy in His ministry. Comfort and joy in His death, in his ressurection. There is comfort and joy in the sending of the Spirit of Truth. and that glad tiding is to be exercised in the midst of tribulation, struggle, illness, temptation and suffering.

When that Christmas carol crosses your mind, preach to yourself that Gospel Truth, that tiding of comfort and joy that YOU are chosen and forgiven and loved and really know peace!

Darndest Things

This morning when I woke up feeling all sorts of wonderful I made the painful decision to nanny instead of go out with friends tonight..who are consequently still out. It just seemed like the responsible thing to do and even when I wanted to change my mind later this afternoon, I was already committed.
BUT my kids absolutely made it worth while tonight. They are developing such amazing and hysterical personalities.. I'm so glad to get to hang out with these boys.
Mason is 3.5 years old and Tyler just turn one a month back. They are so precious to me. and soooo animated!
Tonight while Mason and I were being chased around the kitchen Island ( a favorite past time of ours), Tyler discovered our reflections in the refrigerator door. He pointed at them, babbled in his beautiful baby tongue and then gave me the look that says "I've figured this out and it's not fun anymore.next." I was so impressed.
Mason is getting more and more clever also.

Me: Mason, how old are you?
Mason: uh, i'm still just 3 and a half because my birthday hasn't shown up yet."
Me: "When is it gonna show up?"
Mason:"I don't know when it's coming but we're having a small party for it on December 8th"
Me: So is your birthday December 8th?
Mason: "Oh yeah, you're right it is December 8th! Did my mommy tell you that?"

SOOO cute.
and as I tucked him in...

Me: "So Mason, do you want to say a prayer to God before bed?"
Mason: (hesitant) "no."
Me: "why not?"
Mason: "We should just get a phone and call."

and now as I lay my head to rest, I thank God that He helped me make such a decision as would give me more precious times like these.