This past year has undoubtedly been the most unreal and yet the most reflective of the reality of living in this world that I've experienced so far. This world is broken, as are we. Death and loss and sin and selfishness plague us. Its fallen nature takes a toll on us and if we're not careful, on who we were meant to be as image-bearers too.
Life is hard. Life is beautiful. A dichotomy that puzzles me regularly.
Today stings a little more than I thought it would having sung "oh death, where is your sting?" So many times.
Reading posts about Tracy and the gaping loss everyone still feels and the fears and sadness with that come with that loss remind me of that dichotomy of hard and beautiful. Life can be so hard you wish you weren't living (I've been there this year too) but the loss of life, the death of friendship and dreams is still harder. Today (and nearly everyday) we remember Tracy. He is the kind of friend that upon remembering, you hope you're making him proud. He's also the kind that you selfishly wish were still here doing life with you even though Heaven is a much better place for him.
Grieving a loss is crazy because it makes you recall all your losses. It cuts deeply and pulls off scabs quickly without notice and it looks different for everyone. And there's no text book way to approach it. I am glad to approach loss knowing that I have a Great High Priest who sympathizes with my weaknesses.
Something I've also learned this year is that grieving a loss also means to honor its memory. Two sides of the same coin and both must be experienced. Honoring Tracy's memory is easy. Camping, American flags, Norah jones, jon foreman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, house, movie quotes and his random tidbits of wisdom and jokes often bring back an overwhelming memory of how passionate he was, how much he loved life and people and how he sought to be invested and connected to the people around him. He was vivacious and rambunctious and hilarious and outgoing. He was a comfort and a joy and could even be a pain in the butt. He had a way of making me laugh, usually at his brother's expense, that I miss so much!
Today I want to honor his memory and his family too. Man, they have been strong!! and vulnerable and had their hands so full, even though I know many times throughout this last year, their hearts and home have probably felt so empty. They are testimonies of how our God sustains. And we can all join together today to grieve our loss, honor Tracy's memory and look forward to Heaven.
Thank God for the Gospel, the hope of heaven, a time to look forward to perfect relationship, wholeness and a sense of family and agape love that we'll never know here. Thank God for Tracy's life. Thank God for Tracy's memory and impact. Thank God for the Newberry family and thank God for today.
I went to LA for the day yesterday. Accidentally hiked ten miles instead of 3 and had a great time with some very sweet girls who drove rather aimlessly around the shady alleys of Venice Beach at night so I could take this picture for Tracy..
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
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