Tools of comfort

I was/am like Linus from peanuts. I've had a special blanket since third grade went I went to camp for the first time alone- no parents,siblings or church friends.

I had a blast but the anomaly of being me is that I love to socialize and can be very outgoing but I am most comfortable as a recluse or in the presence of only a few good friends.
Coming from a divorced home made it less difficult to adjust to new places and people, but more difficult in the sense that I knew which parent I could manipulate Ito getting my way.
With my dad, I had a special bear doll that my babysitter had made me. It was so so special that it sat on a shelf and I did not allow any soul to touch it.."she must always be safe" I would say. (she still is)
With my mom, I once stole a pillowcase right off her pillow and tried to smuggle it home when our weekend visit was up. I claimed mommy Withdrawls and without a second thought, the pillowcase was mine forever. It had pretty flowers and got little bumps after it had just been washed. I loved it and it came everywhere with me, like third grade camp. camouflaging as a pillowcase, no one knew the comfort I found in my blankie which I later ruined via the worst nosebleed ever!
My mom ended up getting a new sheet set and sending me the sheet. I have it to this day and it has been to every country and camp I have been to since..

However, it's more likely that nowadays you'll see me glued to my iPhone rather than cuddling and old sheet. And aren't we all glad about that!
I've come to recognize I can base my level of comfort of my use of my dumb phone.
When I am with my preschoolers before you know it 5 hours have passed and everyone is going home and my phone is cluttered with people who wanted my attention over the last 5 hours,chess games, Facebook notifications, the works...
The same when I am with my loved ones, I could care less who is calling or texting.
But find me in my classes, a crowded mall, an awkward situation, too much parent time or a short line at the bank and everything about my phone is busy.

In my uncomfortableness I find comfort,security, hope even in my iPhone.
I've come to think its silly and childish, like dragging around a blankie everywhere
But it's also so telling of what happening in my heart.
It makes me to stop and ask where are my affections? For what or whom are they stirred?
In what do I comfort and cling to? What is my security and hope?
Is it Jesus? Is He what I cling to everywhere I go?
I pray He is! He's the only one worth it!

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