Perfectionist's Paradise

I am a perfectionist. I expect perfection at all time from myself. The result is typically great work and lots of inner disappointment because big surprise:
I am not perfect.

Turns out Mary Poppins' strength was that she was "practically" perfect in every way. Forget the fact that she could jump into cartoons or clean the house by snapping( how I'd kill for that!) but she at least had a realistic expectation of herself. Yeah, Disney ruined me for real life sometimes..
The point is yesterday I felt like a complete failure because I just couldn't be perfect and keep everyone happy and meet everyone's needs.
I did not handle that well. I sobbed my eyes out for the first time this year (not saying much huh?)

But it surfaced a greater issue within my heart that I must continually deal with and take to the Lord. That issue is I am not perfect. I am not Jesus. I cannot earn anything on my own. My works are worthless apart from Christ. I cannot hold it together except for the grace of God..
so why do I continually try?

I think it would be just dumb to be running around always failing and fine with it. God gave me a brain, and skills and talents and His Holy Spirit to help me.
But the heart issue here is WHY am I trying? I am not trying to earn my salvation , but I am also not trying for the sole purpose of praising His glorious Name. More times that not, I am struggling to be put together and perfect because of how much I love me. How highly I think of myself, how much pride I take in me. When I certainly know better. Perfectionism makes me a great problem-solver and event planner but it is easily a trap for someone who must continually humble herself and take myself off the throne and submit to God.

How I can't wait for Heaven-- I'll be perfect in the most God-honoring way possible and completely humbled by His sight! Here's to hoping! We have an inheritance :) what good news!

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