Just the other day, I was thinking how stupid it would be to cry on to my guitar and get it wet. I wouldn't be able to sing and I'm hardly good enough at guitar to comfort myself with the melody of it so it seems a little illogical.
And then tonight happened. And I sat in my guitar lesson, being berated by my uber cool teacher for not knowing my C scale by heart and not being able to tackle the joy to the world melody line.
"Stop looking away from the music" "your fingers would know this if you practiced it" "you don't try to walk around in other peoples houses in the dark right?" "Familiarize yourself better" "no that's not the shape I just told you to make" "try again" "try better" "look at what you're doing" "look at what I'm doing" "look at the music!"
To be honest, I was just so excited I could read the melody line of joy to the world and that I remembered the C scale at all, I wasn't initially upset that I couldn't instantly put it together, which my lack of patience is usually my problem so I was even a little bit proud of myself for this forbearance.
Uhm, but approximately 3 minutes of humiliation later, I couldn't keep the warm tears from trickling down my face. I tried to will them to stay in my ducts, but they didn't listen. It's so hard to continue to follow instructions that demand that your eye balls do three different things while counting along with a metronome and picking a C scale while tear drops are falling on your guitar. Oh, the irony!Now, I really detest that Tswift lyric. And I had to wipe my nose and eyes with my sleeves while he waited for me to catch up. What a rookie!
It was probably my most pathetic lesson so far and for tonight, he WAS the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.
All of that aside, I find myself unexcited for Halloween and unmotivated to paint my pumpkins even though I picked the perfect pumpkin to paint as a (pastry) donut.
It's so strange how such little and seemingly insignificant things have such power over me sometimes.
I think that's why I enjoy being outdoors more and more these days. Everything is bigger than me. Bigger than my worries or fears. Every rock and tree and mountain peak is bigger than me and still I make it to the top, even if I do feel out of breath at times.
Also, there are never ending parallels between life and hiking. I am always surprised at how much clarity comes as I climb and how it seems to foster a wealth of restoration for me.
Yesterday, a friend and I decided to find some adventure after church. We brought random stuff and decided on Julian. Of course, the orchards are way over picked due to a bad crop and drought, the stores were pricey and overrun with people. We had some soup and some pie and we were done so we went back to a very familiar trail and hiked stonewall peak.
It was chilly and the trail is a tad overgrown, but it was perfect. It's a super short hike and ultimately more of a nature stroll, almost everything is after Yosemite though.
It requires you to be all present or you miss it. The clouds rolling in and changing colors with the sunset or the way certain turns on the trail seem to be perfectly framed by overgrown manzanita branches. You don't just endure to get to the top...the hike its self is enjoyable with beauty and excitement at every turn. And when you do reach the peak, you're not done. On this hike, we came down in the very same way we had arrived but the dramatic skyline made it all new again and hopeful and fun.
I just kept running through that morning's sermon in my head and let it ring in the folds and lobes of my brain. Jesus is better. He's the better Adam, the better Noah, the better Abraham, the better Isaac, the better Joseph. Every failure which His people encountered, He succeeded in. In the same way, every failure I have faced, He has fulfilled. He hasn't a failure of His own and I'm overcome by it. Where I would be plunged into ruin on my own, He has Redeemed. These are the truths I long for and need to hear-- the Gospel.
I am counting my blessings tonight instead of being sad about pumpkins. I am grateful to be where I am at, hearing the Gospel in a new place in a new way, hiking into contentment every chance I get and even for the tear drops that rolled down my guitar tonight because I'm gonna kill that scale And progression this week. Ha!
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