Take My Moments And My Days

  Ah. What a week! Have you ever had so many feelings that you feel nothing? Like you just get dragged around by your stupid heart until your mind just refuses to participate? I'm there. It always amazes me which things in life stress me out enough to remind me that I am not enough (read: bring on a meltdown). It's not a bad case of pms. It's not preschoolers and the looming threat of hand, foot & mouth. It's not that I can't seem to ever get the wood floor 100% clean, though that is irritating. It's not being a full time student and full time employee. It's tuning my guitar. It's going through old cards, hearing a sad song that snaps you back into reality where others are hurting and/or going to hell. It's not being able to escape my thoughts...even when I'm sleeping. It's this last week. 

  On Friday evening, I slipped away to sit by the pretty little man-made lake and stare at the water's reflection, the ducks quacking, and the shades of the amber mountain in the distance. It was in that silence that I actually felt thankfulness return to my heart for the first time this week. TGIF was the cry of my heart and He just held me. And I praised Him for guiding me through it, for keeping me, for holding me and in that stillness, I knew His love and hope again. My heart's refrain switched to "that was hard, but He IS better" and then the sprinklers went on with the nasty recycled water drenching me and my blanket and coffee. Oh, Eastlake! How I love to hate you sometimes.

   Last Sunday, I was reminded of a quote I saw floating around instagram and pinterest

which said, "When you don't renew your mind, your feelings will always take you back to what you got delivered from." I have no idea who said it, but isn't that the truth? All week God has been so good and faithful to meet with me and be near to me, despite the tug-o-war game my emotions were playing."Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12
   This is the truth I held on to this week. To rejoice in Heaven, to be patient each day and constantly calling out to Him. He says "No" sometimes and redirects me more than I've ever had to redirect any hyper preschooler, but He is always close by. He is never turned away from me and He never turns me away. That is what moves me to melody and praise.
  Whatever this next week holds, I hope to still have this hymn stuck in my head and on my lips.