No Place I'd Rather Be

"There's no place I'd rather be

Than here in Your love"

  This is one of my favorite bridges to one of my favorite songs! Last night I was driving and shouting it. It was like my lungs knew my heart didn't get it yet and that my brain was even further behind. I realized in that moment, as I often have my deepest thoughts and sorrows and candor while driving around alone, that in that moment that wasn't true of me.

  In fact, I stopped singing altogether when I physically thought of all the places I'd actually rather be- my bed, the embrace of a friend, nordstrom, etc. I realize this is sad and depressing, but there is resolve that has hope from it...so bear with me.

  It's crazy how comfortable in prayer we can truly be when we know He is our Daddy who loves us. It also must be slightly saddening to be a Daddy to so many brats like me. I mean I can only imagine how my earthly dad would respond if I said half the things I tell God. In this scenario, my dad would totally have his feelings hurt if ever I were to tell him "actually...there's a lot better people to be with and places to be than here experiencing your love. Your love is leading me to hard places that maybe I don't want to go. Maybe I could explore other loves that are more comforting and tangible."

My dad would be crushed-those are some messed up words to someone who has provided for me and who has invested the most challenging one-third of his life into me.

  And yet, these are the words I found in my heart towards my Heavenly Father who loves me, made a way for me to know him, never leaves me or forsakes me, never runs out of faithfulness toward me, always provides, and is the definition of holy, of love, of friend. I knew in my head that this wasn't really true and that there really isn't any better place to be than in his love..why couldn't I just feel that truth?

   The fact of the matter is that my heart is desperately wicked. And that my Heavenly Father is good. He is good to me though it's often in a different way than I would be good to me. I am good to me and it often leaves me with a hole in my comfort-literally.

  I love clothes. You know the girl from confessions of a shop-a-holic? If I weren't so afraid of debt, I'd be her. I legitimately love the colors and textures and varying structures of clothes. A good outfit brings me comfort like a poor wardrobe choice brings me distress. I know, this is so incredibly ridiculous when you put it into words. Clothes and their ability to make me feel or look a certain way can easily become the idol of my heart. 

  This weekend I visited Fashion Valley in the rain. It was humid,but still picturesque of shopping at Christmas time- which I love. On Saturday, the place I happened to rather be than here in God's love was in Nordstrom pretending the entire place was my closet. I walked away $100 poorer with items that sincerely made me happy. But, later on when I wore one of my quirky purchases and there was a hole in it!

I sat looking at the hole and experienced a lack in comfort. That is truly as good as it gets.

  Comfort that we seek out in retail therapy or friendships or bean and cheese burritos with sour cream just leaves us lacking...Think about it- there's a hole in my new shirt, I STILL have has from the last time I ate a burrito and friends come and go. (Side bar: Today, my friend Hannah flys off to Africa to work with the Amani Baby Cottage!! let's pray for her time there to be fruitful!) It's a wonder I don't crash while driving with all these thoughts at war in my head.

  Without fail, every area that my heart runs to for comforting comes up short because NOTHING can fulfill,establish, or guide me into truth like the love of my Heavenly Father. Life apart from this love is vainity, it's lacking and foolish. I can't wait to be in Heaven where this truth is reality all the time. Where it is evident in every faculty of me that Jesus is the end all. That there is no one better to be with and no place better to be.

Making that song my prayer today-

"Set a fired down in my soul
That I can't contain
That I can't control
I want more of You, God
I want more..
There's no place I'd rather be, than here in Your love, here in Your love"