The bittersweet big step toward becoming a real adult.

Today we held our first Sunday in our own building as a church family. It requires two services with overflow seating and on-the-job problem solving and it was beautiful and lovely and I am soo incredibly thankful to be at home and serving at Calvary Imperial Beach. I love being available to ministry. To babies, teens, drama mamas, and new comers and all the folks that have become the family I cherish so much. 

What a blessing!

This weekend I also married off my oldest friend. The friend that hit me in the head with a baseball in third grade and stayed my friend ever since, through many difficult years. It's hard to put up with me, you know. A friend that I have traveled with, grown up with, studied with,struggled with, served alongside, learned from and have watched learn so much over the last few years- a faithful and consistent friend no matter the distance. I know it sounds like he's dead, but he's not:) he's married! And to a wonderful, newly acquired friend of mine and I'm so excited to see how The Lord is going to grow them in marriage and use them for His glory. I love them both and truly couldn't be happier for them! 

What a weekend full of happiness!

And still in my own private time, I find myself fighting to not be overtaken by sadness or despondency or apathy. Telling myself constantly that Jesus is enough, that He is mine, that He is near and that  He is worth serving and loving every minute of all my days to come.

I look to the Word and find it to be true, I see the people around me whose lives also testify that it is so.

And so I must simply "continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." (Colossians 4:2)

It's a weird balance, this whole becoming an adult. I am responsible for my emotions and actions and attitudes and sometimes it's just harder than others. Sometimes, they are out of control or not in line with what I tell them they should be and I am learning quickly that while I won't be able to negate the validity of my emotions and attitudes that overwhelm me, i must guard my actions anyways and I think more than busy-ness or business attire that is what being a real adult is all about-self discipline. 

I've got to say, I wasn't warned about this! Haha

I wasn't prepared to fight my own self as much as I have to in a daily basis. I am finding that it is expected, necessary and can even be rewarding if I am willing to yield the mayhem of my mind to the presence of Almighty God for this sel-discipline. 

All I can do and what I MUST do is offer my whole self up to Him- belief and unbelief, faith and lack thereof and pray that He knows what He's doing in me and with me and trust that I am not purposeless or a complete waste of His life-giving breath. 

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!