I got sick over the weekend. Which is amongst my least favorite things ever. Not even due to the actual sickness, I happen to think I have an amazing immune system and the two to three times a year that it fails me and I actually do get sick, it bounces back pretty quickly.
I realized and actually said out loud to my boss , "I hate rest!" when I wanted to come in to work despite their kindness to let me stay home.
On Sunday, I was out of commission, though I denied it plenty. I sat on the couch and watched food network, re-runs of Jessie (yes I am a child) and back to back to back war movies with my little brother.
While it was spent in good company and my family rather enjoys babying me when I am sick because it means that I am actually at home... I hate it.
I hate not doing. I crave work and busy-ness and responsibility. It's dumb, I know.
I hate letting other people take care of me. I hate being weak, needy, vulnerable.
The problem is pretty much that I am prideful.
FULL. OF. PRIDE.
I like to work to fulfill myself.
I enjoy accomplishing things because it makes me feel great, worthy, acceptable.
I like to be strong, because I think of myself as strong and, well, perfect.
This is obviously a problem, and a sin.
Because I am not perfect.
I am flawed, depraved and damned apart from Christ. Hopeless and helpless but for the grace that God gives me.
If I am living to rejoice in myself, my strength and my awesomeness..it's going to be a wasted, pointless, depressing life of idol worship. No joking here.
The second issue is that Rest is good. God created rest. God patterned rest, even though He IS actually limitless and all powerful. God provides rest. And my heart is meant to be set on Eternal Rest, "waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ," (Titus 2:13)
That is the Romans 12:1&2 life of worship that Paul writes about over and over again. A heart fixed on Christ, His coming return and Himself as our righteousness.
He alone is perfect having fulfilled the law and prophets in His life and death. He alone provides satisfaction to the divide that stands between sinful me and God the Father.
Maybe you know all these things. Maybe you are/have struggled with this as I have ( or maybe not.)
There question is what does repentance look like? How is this sin overcome?
Knowing is half the battle right? Well, the other half seems much harder at first thought.
But the TRUTH is the other half of this is much, much sweeter.
In the face of my sin, my heavenly Father, is forgiving. Tell Him the truth.
Today my prayer and confession was as basic as "Wow, i'm way off! and I really need You. Please forgive me for my pridefulness"
Overcoming this sin is in right worship of God. Like that of Mary&Martha in Luke 10. Time with Jesus. Getting rid of my "man-up-ology" and rejoicing in the Gospel. Right now. Reminding myself of my hopelessness and depravity. Remembering Christ crucified and risen. Knowing how willing the Father is, how quick to love and slow to anger. Tasting His kindness that leads to repentance.
Letting the Word of God instruct my heart, transform my thinking so that I Treasuring His strength in my weakness.
Other Resources:
- Reformatting your schedule may help practically to keep your heart mindful of this area. I read this article early this week from Joe Thorn at The Resurgence.. Rebuilding a Healthy Schedule
- This is also another favorite of mine from The Resurgence..The nightmare and gift of being weak and needy
- From Tullian Tchividjian's blog, a good reminder!...Are you Righteous?
I am very thankful for a faithful forgiving Father who teaches me grace through sickness. Who shows me my sin that I might yet come closer to Him and refuses to hold it against me. ever.
seriously amazing grace.
I pray that whatever you're facing, you find the gentle hand of the Father guiding your soul to rest and trust in Him.
-Until next time I get a chance to blog!
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