Lawyers, Death and a Fat Day

Friday April 6th was quite a day.. Some call it Good Friday. My morning started with getting lost downtown in a parking garage on my way to meet with a lawyer and review my deposition for an upcoming case where I would testify as a witness. Maybe I've never told you the story about my deposition...it was terrifying. The meanest lawyer I ever did meet! I can be easily intimidated yes and I can have trouble articulating myself, but she was truly one of the meanest, word-twisting lawyers ever. In fact, I haven't seen her for two years and I feel physically SICK when I think of her. So fearful me was being coached by another lawyer to be strong and uphold the truth. seems simple enough? Also terrifying. That was the beginning. I decided to de-stress I would do some retail therapy and find a cute and happy outfit for Easter Sunday. That didn't go well. I'm not sure if it's the new trends or just me but I hated everything and when I did finally find the cutest dress, I felt so fat. And that was it. Then it had officially become "one of THOSE days" you know, a fat day..it's like a bad hair day but worse. A few hours of pilfering around the mall hopelessly, I drove home now mentally, physical and emotionally exhausted. I also felt bad for bailing on some good friends, but I felt I really needed a nap more than I needed friends by this time. When I got home, I found my dad to be upset...his countenance downcast, his body language looked how I felt. Why not ask I figure...it's the right thing to do. "dad is everything alright?" "John's dead." John is the oldest of my brothers.. adopted and estranged. very estranged. I have no memories of him after age 9. But the memories I do have of him are of he and his kids at Pirates Cove for my twin's and my birthday parties. He was one of the only adults to throw on some knee pads and climb through ball pits, and tunnels to get to padded rooms and slides in the underground play maze that we all loved. My heart sank. I knew I barely knew him, but my dad was visibly hurting. As the day progressed. I wasn't sure how to process it. I watched some little house on the prairie, went out for coffee, tried to do some homework and before you know it, it was time for church. oh yeah, that's right! Did I mention this was Good Friday. so naturally, I was going to drop any Friday evening plans to be at church, partaking of communion. I didn't even realize it til that evening in communion, but once I did it changed everything. Good Friday is the measure of all goodness. When you read my account of the day's events, their ain't much good. and my heart struggled to wrap my head around it. And that is just the most beautiful thing about it- Good Friday is GOOD because it is the day that Christ suffered and died on the cross ( still doesn't sound so good huh) Well, in doing so He conquered sin and death, satisfying the wrath of God and making a way for us to come to God, to love Him in return, to know Him personally and no longer be bogged down by sin and impending judgement. The day that is celebrated and named for rejoicing in the cross of Christ came and nearly went without any rejoicing whatsoever on my part. I was so distracted by my circumstances, by sadness, by vanity that I MISSED the opportunity to celebrate and share Good News of Good Friday with everyone around me. What a way to be out of the battle, to miss the point completely. Not to mention, in solving all my "problems" of the day- I missed the only actual answer which is the cross of Christ for which Good Friday is named. duhhhhhhh, Malia! I looked to clothes and friends and coffee and Little House on the Prairie and a nap before I fell on my face at the cross and saw His kindness lead me to repentance and His goodness satisfy all my wants and my worth as His treasure and my joy in knowing Him and my hope in Heaven.My idols were exposed. What a cool and sad thing. How pathetic and crazy when our actions tell us where our hearts really are-so much louder and more evident that we are ready to admit most days. But it wasn't too late! It wasn't too late to rejoice in the cross of Christ. In the beautiful submission of Christ to the Father who love me and wills for me to be saved, to know Him, to know His love for me and to make my request known to Him. As I held the juice and cracker, in the quietness of my heart I remembered His necessary death for my sin and my wickedness and for that of the whole world's! In only a few moments of tasting His goodness and remembering all His benefits my fears were gone, my problems resolved, my emotions resolved, my hope anchored. And that my friends is why Good Friday is good.Even if you feel fat, are missing a loved one or are surrounded by lawyers (ugh)- my debt has been paid, my heart renewed, my life made worth living.. and it's not too late for you either...are you rejoicing in the cross today?