the honest truth!

Since I've returned from Thailand it has been approximately 6 weeks. Statistically, after 6 weeks of being home  from a missions trip, your life returns to its previous standard..No traces of impact, no proofs of changed living. That is a statistic that I have been dreading and here I am at six weeks. I've begun blogging again, I've gotten a pedicure, picked back up my gym routine and study habits, stopped looking nightly to my Thailand pictures to try and remember the hopelessness of the people. So am I just another statistic?
That is a hard question. while every piece of me wants to say "NO!" the honest truth would call me into question. When I look at my consumer lifestyle am I deeply bothered? When I see my pedicured toes is that my end-all happiness? Do I still hurt for the lost and sick and dirty and needy?
Yeah..I do. Has my life virtually returned..it would seem so. The joyous news is that I am daily contemplating these things. I am questioning my motives, seeking a further love and passion for the Gospel and I am struggling...which as we've all been told- is a good thing because it evidences that I haven't just given up.
In some ways I feel like a bit of a failure because I wanted so badly to never even question if my time doing the Lord's work in Thailand would really change me. But here I am questioning...
I am comforted my three things in this struggle:

1. Only God can and does deeply change my life.. and He is faithful to complete the work He's begun in me. He is faithful to make us into the likeness of His image for the sake of His glory and as a witness to others.

2. I read this on my dear friend's facebook.. what timely news.

"Wherever you are, be all there...Let not the longings slay your appetite for living". -Jim Elliot

You see, this is what God continues to challenge me with. That He is sovereign, in control, He withholds no good thing and He has set good works before me to walk in them. So while my heart longs to be serving in Thailand, I musn't settle for trying to "help" God figure out my life.. but be ALL here, cause He is willing to use me. I know that can appear contradictory to the entire point of this post, however closeness to Him, complete trust in Him, devotion to His living and powerful Word...that's what will allow me to still hurt for the lost, still pray for Thailand and continue to be renewed each day. Basically, this is not what I thought it would look like..at all. But it is so sweet to trust in Jesus.

3. Lastly, I've begun to study through the Heidelberg catechism.. I know that is a huge word and the word catechism alone scares so many Christians. But by way of fact, it is the fifth most published and circulated classic after only the Bible,Paradise Lost, Pilgrim's Progress and Imitation of Christ.. All good reads!
It is a Q&A formatted, thought-provoking, biblically sound confession of  the faith that I find to be convicting, beautiful and so theologically rich. It is vintage faith in the truest sense.. and worth reading and studying through. Here is a link to the entire catechism with cross references :)
If you're not use to it's meatiness, I must reccommend Kevin De Young's "The Good News We Almost Forgot" which can serve as a study aid and devotional along side this catechism. You can buy that here!
That being said, I'll begin blogging through the different Lord's Days over the next couple months..so check in every once and a while for a good dose of Heidelberg!

ope youre enjoying you Sunday!